


Sex Education

by pterawaters



Category: Glee
Genre: Friendship, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 23:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pterawaters/pseuds/pterawaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt and Puck are paired up for a Sex Ed project - taking care of their very own 'baby' - the glee club is concerned. They're expecting fireworks, but they meant fist-fights, not making out in the hallways and ... are those wedding rings? First published on fanfiction.net in Feb, 2011. Set in early S2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"What are you giggling at, baby boy?" Mercedes asked, grabbing for his phone and missing, which made Rachel chuckle a little and wish she had a best friend. Sure, Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina were all her very close friends, but she often worried about how to thank all of them in her Tony Award speech before the orchestra played her off the stage. If she had one best friend, it wouldn't be a problem.

Kurt deftly stowed his phone in his bag and shrugged, "Just talking to Blaine." Rachel heard a tone in his voice that, despite its almost expert concealment, led Rachel to believe that Kurt was lying his designer pants off.

"I thought you two were only friends," Rachel asked, giving him one of her trademark looks. (Rachel had in fact sent headshots depicting various expressions to the copyright office, in order to get a jump on branding.)

"Just friends," Kurt agreed. "We're not each other's types."

"Not each other's types, or you're not his type?" Mercedes asked, one eyebrow up and her mouth twisted sardonically.

"I plead the fifth," Kurt replied, stealing one of Mercedes' grapes and popping it into his mouth. She retaliated by taking a big bite of his sandwich, which ended in the entire table, Rachel, Mike and Tina included, grabbing whatever food they could get their hands on and wolfing it down before it could be stolen.

Kurt ended up eating most of Rachel's vegan tapioca pudding after his soup was stolen and downed by Mike in three long gulps. Rachel had lost track of her pudding while distracted by practically wrestling Mercedes away from her homemade cookies, which meant she had to make do with half of Tina's sandwich, though she pulled the turkey off and flung it at Mike with a screech. He simply scooped up the lunch meat and popped it in his mouth, washing it down with some of Mercedes' diet cola. Within five minutes, all the friends were laughing way too hard for how quickly they had eaten everything at the table. Rachel thought maybe she might have to puke, but then she saw Puck approaching the table and his friendly smile distracted her from her gastric discomfort.

"C'mon, Rache," Puck said when he got to the gleek table, offering her his arm. She loved the way he no longer ignored her, even if they weren't together romantically. It just felt nice having a friend, especially one as popular as Puck. "Let's go to class. I heard Miss Holliday has something special for us in Sex Ed today," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows

Trying not to imagine what Puck might have heard about, Rachel frowned and thought she might actually be sick. "I hope it's not more pictures."

"Don't worry," Puck laughed, smirking at her and making Rachel smile again. "I'll hold your hair if you have to puke again. But this time, aim for that stoner kid who sits behind to us. At least he already smells like crap."

"Noah," Rachel sighed, patting his arm and then pulling back. "Let's wait for Kurt and Mercedes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes!" Rachel hissed quietly. "If we're going to be friends, Noah, you have to respect that I have other friends as well."

"I suppose since they're glee club, they're alright," Puck replied, heaving a put-upon sigh. "Did you guys have a food fight or something?"

Rachel frowned again and looked down at her pink (non-animal, thank you very much) sweater, checking for stains. "Why?"

"You've got crumbs in your hair," Puck replied, brushing off the top of her head as Kurt and Mercedes joined them. Damn. Rachel thought one of her cookies might have been crushed in the struggle, but wasn't sure how it had gotten into her hair. When Puck finished, Rachel smiled up at him in gratitude.

"Oh, get a room," Kurt teased, rolling his eyes.

"What do ya say, Berry?" Puck offered, grinning at her in that way that used to give her butterflies, but didn't anymore. Really. "You. Me. Janitor's closet?"

"No thank you, Noah," she replied with a sharp smile, smoothing down her hair and hoping Puck managed to get all the cookie crumbs out. "We agreed we make better friends than anything else."

"Yeah," Puck agreed, leading them all down the hallway. "Since we're both on the outs with Finn, we might actually be best friends. How sad is that?"

"I don't think it's sad at all," Rachel replied, catching Puck's hand and squeezing it, her chest warm with nervous affection. "I think as two glee club members who are also Jews, we make a good team."

Puck laughed and threw his arm around the back of Rachel's neck, resting it heavily on her shoulders. "True dat, Rache. True dat." Rachel heard Kurt and Mercedes giggling together behind her and Puck, but chose to ignore their mirth, since it was probably at her expense.

When they reached the Sex Ed classroom, Finn approached the door from the other direction, frowning at Puck's arm around Rachel's shoulders. It made her a little cold and sad when Puck took his arm away, but she understood. Puck missed Finn; so did she.

"Alright, class!" Miss Holliday cried as Rachel took her seat between Puck and Kurt, Mercedes on his other side and Finn behind them, sitting next to Brittany, the only other glee club member in their class. The teacher was wearing what looked like nurses' scrubs with little bears and ducks on them. Rachel thought they were exceptionally cute and highly approved, despite Kurt's scoff of distaste beside her. "I have a big surprise for you! As you know, I've been hired to teach the rest of the school year, because of Mr. Yates' chronic boil situation, and I thought to celebrate, we'd do a three-week long project!"

"Boo," Puck called as the rest of the class groaned, which Rachel thought deserved a backhand to the shoulder. Someone had to keep Puck in line if Finn wasn't doing it, and it appeared that lately, that person was Rachel. She was surprised to find she didn't really mind.

"Don't be like that!" Miss Holliday insisted with a bright smile that Rachel appreciated very much. She wondered if the teacher practiced smiling for five minutes every day, as Rachel did. She was very good. "It's going to be fun! Look," she cried, picking up a bundle in a blue blanket from behind her desk. "You're all about to become parents."

"Miss Holiday?" Brittany asked, raising her hand. "My mother makes me take a pill every day, so I can't be a parent."

Beside her, Finn explained, "This assignment is just pretend, Brittany."

"That's right, Finn," Miss Holliday agreed. "Each of you will get a super-cool doll to take care of for three weeks. Hopefully this will convince you to follow Brittany's example and delay parenthood until after graduation, Mr. Puckerman."

"What?" Puck cried, throwing his hands up. "I would have made an awesome dad. All you punks know that."

"Whatever," Azimio said from across the room. "Does everyone get a doll or do we have, like partners or somethin'?"

"Yes, sir," the teacher replied in an antique accent. "You will indeed have a co-parent, my dear man."

"I pick Brittany," he smirked, sending the blonde girl a flirty grin.

"What would be the fun in that?" Miss Holiday cried with another one of those brilliant smiles that Rachel was really starting to envy. "No, I'm going to pair you up. And I think … yes, I think I'm going to make this as fun as possible, for me. Which means, you're getting partners you wouldn't normally pick. Rachel?"

Heart beating a little faster in anticipation after being called, Rachel replied, "Yes, Miss Holiday?"

"You'll be Mr. Karofsky's partner."

"What?" she cried, standing up so quickly that her chair would have fallen over if Puck hadn't caught it. "I'm not working with him! He's homophobic and has been so awful to one of my best friends he should have been expelled a dozen times over. If you make me do this, I will sue! I have two gay dads, you know, and they have so many ties to the ACLU, it's not even funny!" It had been awhile since Rachel had gotten to go on one of these tirades, that it felt immensely satisfying just letting loose.

"Rachel," Kurt grabbed her hand, getting her attention. "It's okay. Karofsky apologized when I came back. He'll be good."

"Yeah, or else," Puck added, sneering in the jock's direction.

Turning to face Karofsky, Rachel demanded, "Is this true?"

David looked down at the ground and shrugged, but it wasn't a denial.

"Fine, but our baby was born gay and if you can't handle that, I'll be raising it on my own."

"Whatever," Karofsky replied, standing up and taking the doll Miss Holliday thrust at him. Rachel did not appreciate the ham-handed way he held their simulated child, but when she glared at him, he shaped up and held the baby more like a football than a bag of trash.

Daring to get closer to her partner in this debacle, Rachel crossed the room to join Karofsky as Miss Holliday picked out the rest of the couples. "It's wearing a blue blanket," she observed as she peered at the bundle in David's arms. "Does that mean he's a boy?"

Karofsky lifted up the blanket and peered down the baby's front before saying, "Yep. It's a boy."

"Mazel tov," Rachel replied dryly, hoping she wouldn't have to spend much more time in Karofsky's presence than it took to hand off the baby and swap notes.

"And finally," Miss Holliday announced, "since we have two more boys than girls, I've decided Puck and Kurt will be our very own same-sex couple raising their adopted baby girl! Congratulations, boys!"

"Um, what?" Puck asked, giving Kurt a skeptical look and Rachel felt her heart drop. Puck had been making such good progress over the past year. She thought he'd left behind all his homophobia when he joined glee club and began to understand Kurt was just one of the gang, even if he did have a crush on Finn for the longest time. "Seriously, Miss H?"

"Seriously," the teacher nodded with that same bright grin.

"Just go with it, Puck," Kurt sighed, taking the baby from Miss Holliday. "I promise I won't molest you or anything. It's just an assignment."

"As long as I'm not the mom," Puck replied with a shrug, "I guess it's cool."

Kurt nodded and Rachel sighed in relief. It was important that two of her best friends get along, and maybe this project would be good for them. Plus, Rachel wouldn't have to split her friend-time between Puck and her Kurt-Mercedes-Tina group, if they could all learn to enjoy each other's company. The efficiency of it might allow Rachel to fit a third elocution rehearsal into her weekly schedule. One must never forget the importance of proper pronunciation in the entertainment line of work.

~~**~~

After the last class of the day Finn stood at his locker, which was next to Kurt's because their names were, like, right next to each other's in the alphabet. Now that they were brothers and Kurt wasn't giving him those puppy-dog looks anymore, Finn enjoyed his locker placement a lot more. It really came in handy when he lost his only pen or forgot a book at home, since Kurt was really cool about sharing.

When Puck approached, Finn thought he would want to talk about being allies in the basketball team or something, but instead, he tapped Kurt on the shoulder and asked, "Hey, Kurt? Wanna meet up after glee to work out a baby-plan or whatever?" Puck looked like he was trying to keep his cool being seen talking to someone like Kurt and the doll in his arm wasn't making it any easier.

"Oh, alright," Finn's brother sighed, pulling out his phone and poking at it a few times. "I suppose I have this afternoon free. I was going to see a friend, but I can cancel on him."

"What friend?" Finn asked. He'd been wanting to bring up a certain fact he knew for a while, but now seemed like the best chance he'd get. "The same friend you keep going to see when you say you'll be at Artie's, but you're not?"

Kurt gave his step-brother a wide-eyed look of surprise, but quickly covered it up with a careless attitude. The quick shift had to mean he was hiding something, right? "I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt insisted. "And no. I was going to swap music with a boy from Dalton, but it'll be easier on the weekend, anyway."

"I don't wanna mess up your date or whatever, Kurt," Puck insisted, putting on an uncomfortable frown. "We can talk about it tomorrow before school."

"Don't be silly," Kurt replied, taking the doll out of Puck's arms and holding it against his jutted-out hip as he led the way to the choir room. "I want a good grade on this project, Puck, and it wouldn't hurt your GPA to do well either. You'll come over to my house and we'll make all the arrangements before dinner. You'll probably want to stay for the food, right?"

Finn wanted to complain, but a sharp look from Kurt made him shut his trap real quick. Damn. There weren't many people who could make Finn shut up like that (besides maybe Rachel and his mom). Why did Kurt have to figure out how to do it, too?

"Yeah, alright," Puck shrugged in response to Kurt's invitation as they got to the choir room, only Tina and Mike having reached it before them. "What'cha havin'? If it's pork chops or bacon or something, just don't tell my mom."

"It's not," Kurt replied with an amused half-smile. He opened his mouth to say more, probably about whatever organic or eco-friendly meal he had planned, when Mr. Schue came into the room, followed by the rest of the club.

"Alright everyone, take a seat! This week, glee's going disco!"

Finn watched as Puck shared a look with Kurt that said way more Finn expected it to – but he guessed, who in their right minds wouldn't share an eye-roll at the mention of freaking disco?

~~**~~

Mercedes didn't know why she'd been paired up with Azimio for their baby project, but she had a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with the fact that Miss Holliday only had one dark-skinned baby. She had almost refused to take the damn doll home the first night after Azimio said, "You're the girl here, you do the women's work!" and instead beat her partner's head in with it, but Miss Holliday stepped in and brokered a peaceful resolution. Somehow it still included Mercedes waking up every three hours to feed the thing.

As she got to school, in dire need of some sugar and caffeine, she remembered who Kurt's partner for the project was, and hoped that the two of them hadn't come to blows at their planning session the night before. Sure, they hadn't been at each other's throats lately, but Mercedes could count on one hand the number of times she'd seen them interact directly since Puck joined glee club. Puck wasn't one to apologize for the stupid things he'd done and Kurt wasn't one to easily forgive.

Groaning, she stopped by the coffee cart in the cafeteria on her way to her locker, and then was unsurprised to see Kurt at his locker four down from hers (it was nice having a best friend whose last name was very near to Mercedes' in the alphabet). "Mornin'," she greeted him, trying to juggle her bag, her coffee and the damn baby doll on her hip. Miss Holliday had warned them that any incidents of dropping the thing on the floor would be recorded and count against them in their final grade. Mercedes missed the fun Miss Holliday who didn't give a crap about grades, though she was still loads better than most of the teachers at McKinley. "Where's your assignment?" she asked her friend, giving Kurt a grateful smile when he took the bundle Azimio had named Shaneequa out of her arms.

"Puck had her for the night," Kurt replied, pulling back the blankets to take a look at Mercedes' doll. "How was yours?"

"Had me up so many times last night," she complained, gathering her books for the first class of the day and shoving them in her backpack, "that I started dreaming about storks and Miss Sylvester's bullhorn. It was awful."

"Mmm," Kurt hummed in response, handing over the baby when she held her arm out for it. "I guess I'll find out tonight, if Puck hasn't managed to kill ours yet."

"How'd you get him to take the first night?" Mercedes asked as Kurt gathered his things and closed his locker, watching as her friend blushed a little.

"It's not important," he replied, his eyes following something behind her. When Mercedes turned around, she saw Puck coming down the hallway, his bag slung over one shoulder and a pink bundle held to his other shoulder.

It wasn't such a surprising sight, given their current assignment, but Mercedes had no idea what was going on when Puck approached them, said, "Hey, pumpkin," to Kurt and kissed the boy quickly on the lips.

"What the hell?" Had she woken up in the Twighlight Zone somewhere between feedings three and four?

"Good morning, honey," Kurt smiled, ignoring Mercedes' surprise and taking the bundle from Puck. "How was our little ball of sunshine last night?"

"Eh," Puck shrugged, throwing his now-free arm over Kurt's shoulders and hugging him close as the other boy put the doll up to his chest and patted its back like Miss Holliday had shown them. That was when Mercedes noticed the ring.

"Boy, what is on your hand?" Mercedes asked, ignoring Puck's weird presence and pointing to Kurt's new piece of jewelry. It was a plain silver-colored ring, and Mercedes cringed to ask if Kurt knew what it looked like. "You do know what finger you're wearing that on, right?"

"Mm-hmm," Kurt nodded, giving Puck a fond look. "A child deserves a stable home-life, Mercedes. For Molly's sake, Noah and I got married."

"Married?" Mercedes gasped, so confused by now that she was sure she'd bumped her head or died or something. "Molly?"

"The kid," Puck answered, putting his hand over Kurt's on the doll's back. At this point, Mercedes saw Puck was wearing a ring identical to Kurt's.

"What the freaking hell? Explain this, right now!"

While Kurt was opening his mouth, Azimio approached them. "Dude," he said to Mercedes' two friends, "gettin' a little friendly there with the queer, Puckerman. Be careful it doesn't rub off." Mercedes wanted to sock her partner in the stomach, but thought that one punch might turn into a full-on ass kicking and she didn't want to get expelled.

Besides, she figured Puck would just beat him up for her.

Instead, the jock smiled and looked Azimio straight in the eye before saying, "I think it's kinda hot when Kurt rubs off on me. Isn't that right, lamb-chop?"

"You don't need to air all of our dirty laundry, Pucky-bear," Kurt replied in the same saccharine tone of voice, his face hidden in Puck's neck. "Some things are just between us."

"What the hell?" Azimio cried, shooting Mercedes a confused expression like he was expecting her to explain.

"Don't look at me," she insisted. "I have no idea what happened to them overnight."

Azimio pointed his finger at Kurt and said, "He's one of them gay wizards or something. Puck, man, we need to find you a antidote to whatever love potion this creep gave you."

"What are you talking about, Azimio? Kurtsie is my husband and we're raising little Molly together. Why would I want to change that?" The jock grinned at his teammate as he nuzzled the side of Kurt's head.

"Husband?" Azimio cried, looking to Mercedes once more before he started laughing. "Oh, I get it. This is all a big joke. Ha, effing ha, Puckerman. Now stop it. You're creeping me out."

"I'm sorry our love offends you," Kurt sighed, "but Noah and I are together. Get used to it. In fact, I'm sure your baby doesn't appreciate being the product of a broken home. That's okay. Mercedes deserves someone much better than you." Turning to the boy at his side, Kurt asked, "Ready to walk me to class, jujube?"

"Sure thing, cream puff," Puck replied, walking a few steps before looking back over his shoulder and sneering at Azimio, like he was daring the jock to do something about his 'relationship' with Kurt. Mercedes still didn't know what the hell was going on.

"Tell your friends," Azimo said as he snatched their baby from Mercedes' arms, "to stop whatever it is they're doing if they don't want their asses kicked. A'right?"

"Hell, no," Mercedes replied. "I don't know what's going on any more than you do, Azimio, but leave Kurt and Puck the hell alone. You know your mother and my mother are church friends, dude. Don't mess with me or it'll be raining fire and brimstone on you at home."

"Jesus," Azimio cried, "e'rybody's gone crazy today." He threw his hands up in the air, almost dropping their doll in the process, and walked away.

Now Mercedes just had to figure out what was going on with her best friend!


	2. Chapter 2

Artie had gotten the text Mercedes sent to the whole club, but he really had no idea what to expect when he rolled into history class. Since he had taken Sex Ed the year before, along with Santana, Quinn, Mike and Tina, Artie didn't have a baby to take care of, though Brittany had shown him hers the night before. He recognized the bundle in Puck's arms as he held the bottle up to the baby's mouth, but Artie really did not expect to see Kurt sitting on the desk right behind Puck, stroking the jock's hair and smiling down at him as serene as the Virgin Mary at church.

"What the..." Finn breathed as he came into the room behind Artie. "Man, what's going on?"

"Didn't you catch Mercedes' text?" Artie asked as he rolled to his desk. "They've been acting like a couple all day. I thought maybe you might know what's up."

"No!" Finn cried, shaking his head and sitting in his usual seat next to Artie and staring at his brother and his ex-best friend. Artie figured if anyone should know what was going on, it would be Finn, but he seemed as clueless as the rest of them. "At dinner last night, they didn't even talk to each other."

When the thought occurred to Artie, he asked Finn, "Do you think it's some kind of practical joke? Like, they're doing this just to freak everyone out?"

Both boys watched as Puck tilted his head all the way back, grinning up at Kurt before Finn's brother kissed him on the lips for longer than necessary and then hopped off the desk to sit in his seat. "Why," Finn asked uncomfortably, "would they kiss like that even for a joke? I think I'm freaking out a little, dude."

"Chill, homeslice," Artie sighed. "I'm sure we'll find out pretty soon what they're up to."

"There's no way it's real, right?" Finn groaned.

"Nah," Artie replied, though he wasn't so sure about that. Kurt had planted one hell of a kiss on Puck.

~~**~~

Tina tried to ask Kurt about Mercedes' text in math class, but he just waved her off, saying, "Oh, you know. It's just one of those things."

"What things?" Tina demanded, but Kurt just gave her a tight-lipped smile and bent down over his work.

It wasn't until lunch that she saw the entire situation. Usually Puck sat with the jocks, though a few times lately, he'd stopped by to talk to Rachel for a minute or two. Today, he practically was sitting in Kurt's lap their chairs were pressed so close together.

"Seriously, guys!" Tina cried, looking back and forth at her two friends as they fed each other bites of their shared lunch. "What the crap is going on?"

"We don't have to explain ourselves," Puck insisted, frowning at her until he turned back to Kurt, that lovesick smile back on his face. Ugh. Was this what she and Mike looked like together? She hoped not.

"If this didn't happen so suddenly, maybe," Tina argued, Mercedes and Mike both backing her up.

Rachel sat down then, across the table from Puck and said, "Are you sure you two aren't taking this project a little too seriously? You're not an actual couple."

"Who says?" Kurt shot back, jumping a little when his doll started crying. "You wanna get this, muffin, or should I?"

"It's all you, hot stuff," Puck replied, giving Kurt a flirty wink. Kurt gasped a little with a smile in response, beaming as he attended to his assignment.

The only part about this whole thing that made Tina feel any better about being so confused was the fact that no one else seemed to have any idea what was going on either. She turned to Mike, who was sitting beside her as usual, and said, "I think they've been sniffing glue or something."

"Or something," Mike agreed with a nod. Tina loved it when Mike agreed with her.

~~**~~

Santana saw the train-wreck as she was leaving the lunchroom with Brittany and Artie. Puck and Kurt were touching, and not in an, "I'm gonna humiliate you, dweeb," sort of way. Kurt had one hand on Puck's upper thigh and Puck had his arm around Kurt's shoulders. And (oh, ew) Puck was trailing his fingers up and down Kurt's shoulder, like it was something he did every day.

"Hey, Puckerman," Santana sneered, breaking into the awkward, stilted conversation among the gleeks as she pressed both hands against the table and leaned forward. "Kurt. I see reports of you two being all cozy weren't exaggerated. You do realize this makes you total losers, right?"

"According to you, maybe," Kurt replied, one eyebrow raised in apparent disgust at her presence. "But I'm willing to bet Noah and I are getting more play than you at the moment. When was the last time you had a man?"

"Oh, snap!" Puck murmured with a chuckle, eyes only for the boy at his side, which made Santana want to scream in frustration. Puck was a man's man! Puck was her man. Wait…

Anyway, he was supposed to have eyes only for her, and maybe Brittany or Quinn or something. Instead, he wanted everyone else, including the homo? And that's when she saw the rings. "Thought this sort of thing was illegal," she smirked, shifting her weight to one arm and tapping the ring on Puck's finger with the opposite hand. "Banned by the constitution of our great state or something."

"It's not illegal to wear a ring," Kurt replied and Santana got the feeling that she was about five seconds away from getting a pudding cup to the face, but then Mercedes spoke up.

"So you didn't actually get married?" The diva sighed in relief or something, but Santana sighed in disappointment. Things were much less hilarious this way. "Thank god! I don't know what-"

"Seriously," Mike chimed in, "you guys barely even know each other. Why would you-?"

Cutting off Mike's last words, Rachel asked, "Is it a joke?" like she might be devastated by a response either way. That chick seriously needed to lighten up.

"C'mon, babe," Puck said as he stood, taking the doll out of Kurt's arms before giving him a hand up. "We can get our committed mack on while these guys pull their heads out of their asses."

"Mmm," Kurt agreed, slinging his bag over his shoulder before grabbing Puck's hand as the two of them left, hand-in-hand.

"Yikes," Santana smirked at the other occupants of the table. "Looks like someone can't take a joke."

"Shut it, Satan," Mercedes sassed back, but without any fire to her voice. Well, that was no fun!

"Watch," Santana said, "their little prank falls apart before the end of the week. I'd bet my weave on it."

All three girls scoffed at her, while Mike asked, "What's a weave?" so Santana considered her job complete. Now, to see if she could get any good video of Puck and Kurt making out. Hey, if they were actually making out, it was probably hot, alright?

~~**~~

Cursing himself for getting mustard on his tie the one day of the week that Emma was out of town at a conference and wouldn't be able to help him, Will made a break for it toward his office. He thought he might have some wet wipes or maybe another tie, but there was nothing. What about his desk next to the choir room? That should have something, especially since he shared it with the orchestra teacher, Mrs. Hoffman. She always kept several of everything in that desk. Paperclips, pens, rulers, condoms (ugh!). You name it, it was probably in one of those drawers.

Will let himself into the office from the hallway and had been rooting around in the desk for a minute or two before he noticed two students in the choir room on the other side of the glass. They were sitting under the windows on the top riser, backs against the wall and heads leaning close together, smiles on their faces. Was that…? Was that Puck and Kurt?

Everything in this wing of the school was quiet, so now that he was listening, Will could hear the two boys laughing and speaking to each other softly. Kurt said with a chuckle, "They have no clue, baby. Did you see how Mercedes flipped out when she saw our rings? Today has been so much fun, Noah. Thank you for doing this."

"No problem," Puck smirked, kissing Kurt's neck, and suddenly Will felt very uneasy eavesdropping on such a private moment. He'd never known the two boys were together, but Will thought maybe it made sense, as much as any of the other teenage relationships he'd seen during his teaching career. "You deserve to have a little fun after what we made you put up with, Kurt. At least it's not as traumatizing as I was expecting."

"For you, maybe," Kurt laughed, taking Puck's hand like it was something he did every day. "I'm pretty sure Lauren Zizes had a coronary when she saw us kissing in the hallway earlier."

"I don't think she's traumatized," Puck replied, kissing the back of Kurt's hand before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, making Kurt giggle again.

Will took that, and the fact that he'd just found a spare tie, as his cue to leave. He didn't really feel like being the stick-in-the-mud to give his two students trouble just for hanging out in the choir room – their safe room – during lunch. Now, if he caught them skipping class, that was a different story.

~~**~~

Lauren Zizes had known there was something going on between Puck and that Kurt kid, but she didn't really think it was romantic. She'd seen them sneak off together once or twice and thought maybe Puck was paying Kurt to do his homework or Kurt was paying Puck to protect him or give him blowjobs or something. Never had she suspected something this sappy. Ugh. It was a good thing she dropped Puckerman when she had the chance. That guy liked to think he was a badass, but he really was not a good kisser. What a shame. And poor Kurt! He deserved something more than those too-much-tongue kisses Puck was planting on him in the hallway that morning.

Ugh. Sex Ed, or "health class" as the administration liked to call it. Pointless, since Lauren had learned everything she cared to about sex from Wikipedia and other internet sources. She guessed it was useful for those students too dumb to poke around a little for the information they needed. Seriously, most of these kids were too stupid to spell their own names properly.

Like her project partner.

"Hey, Hudson," Lauren sneered as she sat down next to the quarterback. "How'd the little rug-rat do last night?" The boy was staring at Kurt and Puck, who were sitting in front of him, heads bent together and hands held together. Ugh. PDA. That was something Lauren could definitely do without. It wasn't quite as bad as when Finn and Rachel were still together with all hand-holding and face kissing, but it was bad enough. Vomit.

Annoyed that Finn couldn't even bother to pay attention to her, Lauren snapped her fingers in front of Finn's face, so he jumped and turned toward her. "Oh, hey, Lauren. I didn't see you there."

"Too busy perving on your step-brother and his boyfriend?" Lauren smirked, setting down her things and taking her seat.

"No!" Finn cried. "I'm just confused, is all. They're going around saying they're married, but I've never even seen them together outside of glee club!"

Lauren curled her lip in disgust. "Aren't they a little young to get married?"

"That's what I said when I found out!" the quarterback replied. "Plus, you know, they didn't even like each other before today. Does anyone else feel like their brain is gonna explode?"

Facing the front of the room as Miss Holliday entered, Lauren replied, "Nope, just you, sweetie," laughing to herself at how out-of-sorts Finn seemed to be.

"Good afternoon, class!" Miss Holliday cried, getting everyone's attention. "How was your first night as parents?"

"It sucked," Mercedes scoffed, and Lauren smiled at her. That chick was alright.

Of course, up at the front of the room, Rachel raised her hand so expressively she was almost jumping out of her chair to get noticed. "No, Rachel, you can't switch partners."

"That's not what I was going to ask," the hobbit insisted, giving David Karofsky beside her an apologetic look. "I was going to bring this," she pointed to Kurt and Puck's clasped hands on the table behind her, "to your attention. Some of us appear to be taking this assignment entirely too seriously."

"What are you talking about?" Miss Holliday shrugged, and Lauren didn't miss the wink she directed at Kurt. "I see nothing wrong here."

"But…but…!" Rachel complained. "They're going around saying they're married!"

"Then they're going to get an A," Miss Holliday replied, smiling full force at the couple. "Provided they can keep the baby alive. Everyone knows children in two-parent households grow up happier and healthier than those from broken homes."

"That's exactly what the fairy said this mornin'!" Azimio cried from the back of the room. "He got to Miss Holliday with his gay voodoo, too, you guys! Don't think this isn't gonna end in a swirlie, Hummel!"

With a ferociousness Lauren didn't know he had, Puck whipped around in his seat and growled at Azimio, "Touch one perfect hair on my love-bunny's head and I will end you, man. And we're not talking your average, run-of-the-mill ass kicking. No, I'll do that, burn down your house, and sell your dog to the Chinese restaurant downtown for Kung Pao!"

Azimio blanched, Rachel cried, "Puppy, no!" Miss Holliday assured, "Azimio will behave himself, won't you?" and Kurt grabbed Puck's arm, pulling him back into his seat and whispering at him harshly. Puck didn't seem cowed in the least. Lauren missed this Puckerman. Why couldn't he have made an appearance when she was dating him? It didn't seem fair.

"Wait," Finn said softly beside her. "Lauren? Does this mean we have to get married to get an A? Because I don't think my mom's gonna like that. She hasn't even met you…"

"No, stupid," Lauren replied, smacking the boy on the back of the head. "We'll be fine, as long as you don't run the doll over with your car or something. Besides, I wouldn't even fake-marry you. You're not my type."

"Oh," Finn replied, nodding though he still looked hella confused. "Yeah, okay. Cool."

~~**~~

Sam didn't see the newest glee couple until the rehearsal after school. Nationals were coming up soon and everyone was nervous, so Schue said he planned on them rehearsing a fun, back-up song today. They wouldn't use it unless another team performed one of their top-choice songs, but after a disaster at last year's Sectional competition, Sam figured everyone in the group was twice shy.

But when he got to the choir room, Puck was sitting on Kurt's lap, arms around the smaller boy's neck, and if that wasn't ridiculous enough, everyone else was just staring at them, silently.

"If it isn't the butt-buddies," Santana sneered when she came through the door behind Sam. "How freaking cute."

"Hey," Sam spoke up, putting one hand on Santana's shoulder, "don't say things like that, Santana. I'm just as surprised as everyone else, but seriously? You're prettier when you're smiling and not insulting everyone."

Santana opened her mouth like she was going to sass back, but then his words must have sunk in, because she gave him a grateful, almost shy smile. "Thanks, Bieber. I'll keep that in mind."

Sam nodded and took a chair in front of the new couple, turning around in his seat to ask, "No, really, guys. Not that I'm not happy for you, but when did this happen?"

"Last night," Kurt sighed happily, squeezing Puck's chest tighter. "Having a baby together really changed how we saw each other." Then, Kurt took a sharp breath and met Puck's eyes, saying, "Snuggie, how about Sam as the godfather?"

"I thought we were gonna ask Finn," Puck replied, trailing his thumb down the side of Kurt's face.

The other boy chuckled, leaned into Puck's hand, and confessed, "I love Finn like a brother -"

"I am your brother!"

"-but he should never be trusted with such a precious charge. Didn't I tell you I had to feed Finn's baby twice last night, since he was too dead asleep to hear him crying. He didn't even name his baby!"

"Hey, Sam," Puck said, turning to him. "Do you know anything about being a Jew?"

"Umm," Sam replied, looking around the room. Was he supposed to know something about being a Jew? "Not much…"

"See, bug? Finn's been to Temple with me a bunch of times. He has to be the godfather," Puck argued, hugging Kurt close and kissing his cheek that might help his case.

"Well then, cuddle monkey," Kurt sighed, "we need to pick a competent godmother. Or, I know! Rachel can be the godmother! She knows all about being a Jew. Then we won't have to leave Molly in Finn's care and Sam can be the godfather."

"It's a freaking doll!" Rachel cried at the top of her (impressive) lungs, jumping to her feet and stomping out of the room, passing Mr. Schue as he arrived. Sam wanted to shake his head at Rachel's tantrum, but he kind of agreed with her. Not that he wasn't flattered. He was more trustworthy than Finn. Even Quinn saw that. It was one of the reasons she was with him. Wasn't it?


	3. Chapter 3

"Puck?" Quinn said as glee let out, placing her hand delicately on the boy's arm. "May I speak to you for a moment, please?"

She almost laughed when Puck turned to Kurt like he was asking for permission. Unlike the rest of the glee club, Quinn wasn't so preoccupied by how out of character the two boys had been acting all day. She figured it was a joke and she might as well enjoy it, especially Rachel's over-the-top reactions. Something about seeing the girl so flustered made Quinn wish she had a video camera, so she could savor the moment forever. And maybe post it on YouTube for the amusement of the rest of the world.

In response to Puck's silent question, Kurt nodded, "It's alright, honey guns. I trust you. See you at home?"

"Sure thing, sugar thighs," Puck replied with that dopey smile, leaning in to kiss Kurt while Quinn put a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from snorting in laughter.

When Kurt was gone, along with the rest of the glee club, Quinn smirked at Puck and asked, "How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you're using such ridiculous pet names? Really?"

"The Puckster's in love," he replied, sitting back down in his chair and picking up "Molly" from her carrier on the floor, rocking the doll comfortably. "That shit just sorta comes out."

"Really?" Quinn replied, still smiling as she sat down facing him. "Because it feels to me like you and Kurt are trying to one-up each other with those names. Love bunny? Sugar guns?"

"Honeyguns," Puck corrected, patting his doll on its back when it made a whimpery little noise. "And sugar thighs. There's a difference."

"I'm sure there is," Quinn chuckled, though her mirth was dampened a little by the sight of Puck caring for the little bundle in his arms. That could have been Beth, in another life maybe. Quinn didn't need to convince herself that she'd done the right thing. Not anymore. But, "You would have made a good dad," she allowed, heart beating rapidly when Puck nodded and then smiled up at her.

"I guess this is sorta like a second chance," Puck shrugged, cooing (actually cooing!) at the doll in his arms. "Isn't that right, Molly? Aren't you daddy's second chance?"

Quinn laughed, but cut off her laughter when Puck gave her a hurt look. "What?"

"Nothing," Quinn insisted, patting his arm. "I just stopped you because I wanted to ask you to keep the PDA with Kurt to a minimum. I'm happy for you two," she chuckled a little at Puck's eye roll and continued, "but it's distracting everyone."

"They'll get used to it," Puck sniffed, his jaw clenched. That's when Quinn realized Puck wasn't acting. Not completely, anyway.

"Oh my god," she breathed, catching his eyes. "It's real, isn't it? You and Kurt?"

Jaw still clenched tightly, Puck's eyes dropped to the bundle in his arms and nodded. "That's what I've been telling all you punks all day."

"When?" she demanded. "There's no way this happened in one night, because of a doll, Puck."

Puck opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then a wicked smile spread across his face. "Molly is a little doll, isn't she? Aren't you, baby? Didn't you help daddy get together with other daddy? Yes you did! You did, girl of mine!"

Quinn clucked her tongue at Puck, hiding behind a stupid doll. "Fine. You can tell me when you're ready to stop acting like a child. Have a nice night, Puck."

"Can you say bye-bye to Auntie Quinn? Bye-bye?" Puck said in that stupid baby voice.

"Oh," Quinn added as she stopped in the doorway, grinning at Puck. "Don't think I didn't see how you signed your geometry quiz this morning. Noah Hummel-Puckerman? I guess we know who wears the pants in your relationship, don't we?"

"Hey!" Puck called after her as Quinn left the choir room. "We both … We both wear the pants, Fabray! Both of us!"

Quinn chuckled her way to her locker, set on just letting this thing play itself out, since it definitely made her life more interesting.

~~**~~

Blaine wasn't quite sure what he was doing here, but since Kurt's brother called him at lunch to ask what the hell was going on, he couldn't just let this go. Kurt had a boyfriend – or thought he did – and hadn't told Blaine! Weren't they supposed to be friends? Well, according to Finn, this relationship was about a day old, even though Kurt and his new paramour were acting, "Like they've been married for years!" Finn explained as much after he ran out to meet Blaine in the McKinley parking lot post glee club rehearsal.

"Kurt's gonna be here any minute," Finn told Blaine. "You have to help me talk to him."

"What about that Puck guy?" Blaine asked. "What if they're walking out here together?"

Finn, who made Blaine feel even shorter than he was, took a deep breath, wiped the sweat off his brow with a shrug. "I'll ask Puck something about school, or whatever. You just get Kurt to tell you what's going on!"

Luckily, Kurt was coming their way alone, giving Blaine a bright smile and hugging him as he asked, "What are you doing here? I thought I wasn't going to see you until our shopping trip on Saturday!"

"I heard," Blaine replied as Kurt let him go, trying not to get too big a whiff of Kurt's cologne. It always got to him a little and that wasn't supposed to be the reason Blaine was here in Lima. "…that you've got a boyfriend."

"Husband, actually," Kurt smiled, holding up his left hand to show off the plain silver ring. "Well, unofficially, since we're living in a theocracy, apparently."

"I see," Blaine replied, sharing a look with Finn as he began to understand what the guy had been dealing with all day. "Um, congratulations! When do I get to meet the lucky fellow?"

"You could follow us back home," Kurt suggested with a shrug, holding up his car keys. "Noah's moving in as soon as we talk to my dad. It's what's best for Molly."

Blaine felt like he should know who that was, but he didn't, so he asked, "Molly?"

"My daughter," Kurt explained, like that was the end of it.

Blaine was so confused that he was actually relieved when Finn said, "Your Sex Ed project. And I didn't name mine because Lauren said we couldn't. And she could, like, break me, dude. Which is why I'm taking care of him again tonight," the boy added, pulling a doll out of his backpack.

"Oh my god, Finn!" Kurt cried, taking the doll from his step-brother with a huff. "You can't hold him by one foot! If you're not going to take care of him properly, Noah and I might have to adopt him. Jesus, and you wondered why I wouldn't make you Molly's godfather!"

"Molly's the doll, right?" Blaine asked, heart up in his throat when Kurt rounded on him, upset fury in his eyes.

"Molly is a person, Blaine. A small person, yes, but a person nonetheless. If you can't understand that, maybe you should take some time and talk to me again when you can accept my family for what it is." Shaking his head, Kurt pressed Finn's doll back into the tall boy's arms and hopped up into his truck, slamming the door behind him.

Looking up at Finn, Blaine asked, "Did that just happen? I didn't imagine that, right?"

"Nuh-uh," Finn shook his head. "It's been like that all day. He makes you feel insane, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Blaine chuckled, patting Finn on the upper arm. "I'll … I'll go home and try to think of something. In the mean time, hang in there, bud. Okay?"

"Yeah," Finn sighed, stuffing the doll back into his backpack and ignoring its cries. "Thanks, Blaine. I'm sure between the two of us, we can get to the bottom of this."

Blaine nodded, but he wasn't all that sure. Maybe Kurt was the insane one. Blaine had never really believed that coming back to public school was in Kurt's best interest, but Kurt had insisted that all his trouble was taken care of now and that he really needed a place where he could be himself – Dalton wasn't it. Blaine understood, somewhat. Just because he felt more himself in the Dalton uniform than in anything else didn't mean that Kurt felt the same, right?

And just because Blaine was finally figuring out what he wanted, didn't mean Kurt felt the same anymore either, did it?

He watched as Kurt drove away, only to be surprised by a microphone in his face and a red-headed kid with dark-rimmed glasses asking him, "How does it feel to be bested by a rag-tag group of public school kids at the Regional Show Choir competition? Did you ever try to bribe your way to the top? How much hair gel do you use every day? Is that a jew-fro I detect? What nationality are you? Is it true you're openly gay? How does it feel to be the shortest male lead in the history of Ohio show choir?"

"What?" Blaine asked, dumbfounded before retreating to his car and going back home, ignoring the kid and trying to figure out how to get the truth out of Kurt.

~~**~~

When Burt got home from work, exhausted and nerves frayed within an inch of his life, he was glad to smell food already in the works. Carole had second shift this week and unless Kurt was home and felt up to cooking, Burt and Finn would usually make do with peanut butter sandwiches, those pseudo-potato chips that Kurt made him buy instead of the good ones, and root beer floats (diet root beer and soy ice cream, god help him). It filled the belly and it had become his and Finn's thing, but a guy can only stand so many peanut butter sandwiches before he starts craving steak and burgers and pizza. Well, now that he didn't have to pay tuition at Dalton, they could afford things like pizza again. Not that Kurt would let him eat it.

Hanging up his coat and kicking off his shoes, Burt roamed toward the kitchen, shuffling through a stack of mail as he arrived, saying, "Hey, kiddo. What's for-"

Burt's words were cut off when he saw his son sitting on the kitchen counter (Kurt never let Burt do that!), all his limbs wrapped around that Mohawk kid, their faces real close together. It was Puckerman, the running back. He expected the two boys to jump apart, and frowned when they didn't. Instead, Puck just turned around in Kurt's embrace, facing Burt with a cocky little smirk that was just asking for a punch to the nose.

"Hi, dad," Kurt said from over his boyfriend's (?) shoulder. "We're having turkey a l'orange. It's supposed to be duck, but I would have had to special order the duck, and that just would not fit our budget at the moment. You remember Noah."

"Yeah," Burt grunted, before sighing and going to the fridge for a (light) beer. "This the guy you've been seeing, then? Never would've guessed by dinner last night." Burt knew in his bones that something had been up with his son lately. Why else would he have begged to transfer back to McKinley?

Burt also knew his son too well to miss the flash of surprise on Kurt's face, before it was covered up by feigned confusion. "I don't know what you mean, dad," the kid tried to say. "Noah and I just got together last night, after dinner. We got married so that your granddaughter could have a proper family."

"Granddaughter?" Burt asked, momentarily confused before he remembered that doll that Finn had been fussing over the night before. "Oh, right. Well, a baby does need both its parents, doesn't it?"

"I knew you'd understand!" Kurt cried, pushing his way out from behind Puck and hopping down from the counter. Then, Kurt hugged Burt tightly around the middle and said, "I knew you'd be okay with Puck moving in with us! Everyone else keeps trying to keep us apart, but I knew you'd do anything for me, right, Dad?"

Burt had no idea where Kurt had learned how to say things like this, but he had a suspicion it was from his grandmother, Burt's mother. It felt a lot like one of her little tests. Well, two could play at that game. Burt figured these two would get so sick of each other so quickly, they'd break up a lot quicker than if Burt was to try to keep them apart. Besides, if they were having sex, Burt would rather it be in his house than out in a car or something, where they could get arrested by the cops. "As long as Noah's mother knows what's going on, I'm fine," Burt grinned, almost laughing at Kurt's second flash of surprise in under two minutes. It was so rare that his kid was caught unawares that Burt had to savor it while it lasted. "Just keep it down, alright?"

"O-okay, Dad," Kurt replied, sharing a look with Puck as Burt left the room, beer in hand, to go watch some TV and rest his aching feet.

~~**~~

Sue Sylvester was doing her 10 a.m. patrol of the hallways, looking for things she could steal and victims to intimidate, when she saw the most disgusting sight she'd ever had the misfortune to witness. She'd heard about Holly Holliday's new Heath class project (Which she thought was an incredible waste of time – kids were going to screw up and have babies. Why make those mistakes easier on them by teaching them how to take care of a simulated infant? Survival of the fittest, people!) But she hadn't seen any of the dolls yet.

This sight in front of her took the cake. Was it a pimply, flat-chested floozy and a lame-brained Neanderthal with too many sperm and too many illegal substances in his system, struggling to take care of what amounted to a toy that anyone in her right mind would grow out of by the age of five? No, it was that confusingly feminine Porcelain and okay, half her expectations were right with the Puckerman kid standing next to him. They were wrapped up together and had their heads bent over what could be a very intriguing fruitcake, but was more likely one of Holliday's "learning experiences." Puckerman whispered into Porcelain's ear, making the doe-faced boy chuckle lightly and lean closer.

This had to end.

"Hummel! Puckerman! I wanna see eight inches between you two at all times!"

The two boys separated grudgingly, which made Sue smile. Her day wasn't complete until she ruined someone else's. It was a rule of physics or something, just ask Isaac Newton. Oh, you can't because he's dead? Too bad for you, then, reader.

"I suppose," Porcelain sighed, "if we can't express ourselves physically, Noah, we'll just have to audibly remind each other how much we love each other."

"You're right, bossy-boots," Pukerman (yes, pukerman, get over it) replied with a sickening smile. "We might just have to sing each other love songs all day. _I could never live without you_." Oh, god! There was singing now?

"Noah, _You are the wind beneath my wings_ ," Porcelain sang, a huge smile on his face and his eyes far too bright for a public school student. How dare that little twerp think he could get away with singing in her presence?

"That's it!" Sue cried. "Lunch-hour detention!"

"That's crap!" Pukerman cried, but Porcelain held him back.

"We didn't mean to offend you with our gayness," the kid insisted, pushing his boyfriend farther behind him, clearly breaking the eight-inches rule Sue had just put into place. She had to admire Kurt's nerve, just a little.

"Our awesomeness," Pukerman amended.

"Shut up, tiger," Kurt hissed. "Can't you see we're already in trouble?"

"Well, at least one of you has some good sense," Sue sniffed, frowning as she looked the up and down. "This has nothing to do with being gay and everything to do with how awful you both are. I expect to see you in detention."

"We'll be there, Coach!" Porcelain promised and Sue was about to walk away when he spoke up again. "Oh, and could we get your lawyer's number? Since we can't legally marry in this state, we'd like Gloria Allred to draw up the contracts we'll need to protect each other and our daughter in the event of some misfortune. Also, we'd like to sue the state of Ohio for the right to marry."

Now, Sue often said things before thinking them through, and claiming Gloria Allred as her lawyer was one of those things. But it was alright. She thought quickly on her feet. "You think the famous Gloria Allred has the time to deal with you warts? I don't think so, buddy. Find your own damn lawyer."

Sue walked away then, in the hopes of finding younger and dumber kids who were easier to terrify and manipulate. Her day just wasn't complete without it.

~~**~~

Mike had a standing meet-up with the glee guys in the park every Sunday afternoon to work on their dancing, play some basketball in the park, and complain about Rachel Berry. Usually only Sam and Puck came regularly, but sometimes Finn and Artie would show up. The Sunday after his friends started their Sex Ed project, it was just him and Puck. And Kurt.

"Uh, hi, guys," Mike said as he got to the picnic table where they normally met up. Puck was dribbling his basketball against the pavement at his feet, wearing his normal sweats, wife beater, and hoodie. What wasn't so normal was Kurt sitting on the table behind Puck, feet on the bench on either side of Puck's hips, and knees held close to Puck's ribs. Kurt wore something that Mike guessed was supposed to be active-wear, but looked more like Lisa's outfit from Fame. What? It was one of Tina's favorite movies, plus it had dancing, which Mike could totally appreciate.

Then, Mike noticed the absence of a certain crying bundle. "Where's Molly?" he asked, making sure to play into whatever delusion had been driving Kurt and Puck for the past week. No one had been able to break whatever joke they were playing, so Mike decided to just play along, because he liked having friends. Even if they were crazy.

"With my sister," Puck replied. "We're paying the little twerp to babysit for an hour or two."

"As a test run," Kurt added. "For date night."

"Date night?" Mike asked, pretty sure he didn't want to know the answer.

"We've been together for almost six days now," Puck sighed before looking up at his "husband". "When you've been with someone for that long, you've gotta do something to keep the spark alive."

"Tina and I have been dating for eight months," Mike pointed out. "And we don't have a dedicated date night. Do you think we should?"

"Of course," Kurt replied, placing a kiss on Puck's cheek before standing up and lifting his iPod boom box onto the table. "I'm sure Tina would appreciate the extra romance."

"Yeah, dude," Puck agreed, tossing Mike the ball, which he just barely managed to catch. "You hittin' that? 'Cause if you're not, date night might be the key to gettin' in those cute little Asian skirts of Tina's."

Kurt sighed, but didn't say anything, so Mike dribbled the basketball a few times before asking, "Are you two okay?"

"Just tired," Kurt replied, giving Puck a significant look.

"What?" Puck asked, approaching the other boy and saying softly, "Kitten, we talked about this. Just wake me up when it's my turn to take care of the little ape. Please?" Kurt nodded in agreement and Mike thought it was weird how Puck so fondly called his Sex Ed project 'ape.' Though, when he was small, Mike's parents did have some awfully strange names for him. Like "poo-factory" and "brick." Nope, it was just better to ignore his friends' behavior and shoot some hoops. Maybe go through their numbers for nationals a few times, to make sure Puck had it down and wouldn't be half-assing it like he did sometimes.

Because Mike really wanted to do well, if only to show his mom that singing and dancing was just as worthwhile as becoming another Asian doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

"Noah?" Ruth Puckerman asked when someone answered her son's phone and she was pretty sure it wasn't the boy himself. The pitch was too high.

"Uh, no, Mrs. Puckerman. This is Kurt. Noah's in the bathroom at the moment."

"Kurt?" Ruth asked. She knew that name, but she wasn't quite sure who he was. "Kurt, who?"

"Kurt Hummel. I'm Finn's step-brother," the Kurt kid explained. "We live in the same house. Noah really never mentioned me?"

"Oh," Ruth exclaimed, hitting her forehead with the palm of her hand for feeling so stupid. This was the kid that had been hanging out at her house for the past few months. "Of course. Kurt! Is Noah behaving himself? I know how much trouble he and Finn can get up to when they put their minds to it."

"Oh, Noah's been a dream!" Kurt gushed, and Ruth wondered if they were talking about the same boy. "He's been such a help this past week. Thanks for letting him stay."

"I didn't really have much say in the matter," Ruth replied, shaking her head at her son's stubbornness and the way he had just said, "I'm staying with Finn for a few weeks, Ma. Call if you need something," and then left, his bag over his shoulder. "I suppose I should be glad he still came to Temple with us yesterday, even if he did bring that silly school project with him."

"Molly is not silly!" Kurt exclaimed, sounding highly offended. But why? Wasn't it just an assignment to teach teenagers about the horrors of parenthood? After Noah's mishap, Ruth told the school board that they should teach the class to sixth graders, before they got into too much trouble, but the "Christians" of the school district had protested, and since they had the numbers, they won.

"I agree that it's a good learning tool," Ruth said carefully. "But I can't imagine my lay-about of a son is doing very well at it. Do you know who his project partner is?"

"I am," Kurt replied. "And while Noah sleeps like a rock, he's been a very attentive father."

Ruth snorted in laughter. "Yeah, right. Is he there yet?"

"Still indisposed," Kurt replied coolly, and Ruth decided she didn't like this Kurt fellow very much. "I'll tell him to call you back at his earliest convenience. Oh, wait. Snookums? It's your mom…"

In the background, Ruth heard her son say, "Thanks, baby-cakes," before he came on louder. "What's up, Ma? Need somethin'?"

"I just missed you, No-no," she replied, seriously confused. "Did you call that boy, 'baby-cakes'?"

"Uh-huh," Noah replied, grunting like he had flopped down on a chair or a couch or something.

"Why?"

"Cause it's a whatcha-callit – term of endearment. He's dear to me, Ma."

Ruth kept waiting to hear that laugh, or that sarcastic tone, which told her Noah was joking. It didn't come.

"Are you and Kurt dating?" she asked, not sure whether or not she wanted to know the answer. At least as a Jew, she was prepared for the prejudice that would come along with having a gay son. Oh, god. All those girls had been Noah trying to prove himself, hadn't they? And getting Quinn pregnant? His passive-aggressive way of asserting his manliness? Ruth knew she should have tried harder to convince her brother Isaac and his wife to take Noah during the summer, so he would have a better male influence than her damn ex-husband. But no, Isaac and Mindy (Mindy!) wanted to take their kids to Israel instead. So much for family loyalty.

"No, Ma," Noah replied with a put-upon sigh.

"Oh. Oka-"

"We're engaged. If it were legal, we'd be married already."

"What?" Ruth cried, almost dropping her phone in surprise. "What are you talking about, Noah Caleb Puckerman?"

"Ooh, three names!" he laughed, and Ruth pushed down the urge to drive over to the Hudson's new house so she could throttle her son to death. "Now you care? Thanks, Ma," Noah said and Ruth could hear the smile in his voice, telling her he wasn't serious.

"You never tell me anything, and you know it," she replied with a chuckle. It was Noah's most common complaint – that she didn't care about him – but they both knew how wrong that statement was. Would she still wash her son's hair once a week if she didn't love him? "Now, I don't care for your attitude, or your fiancé, to tell the truth, but you're bringing him for Saturday brunch. No excuses, you got me?"

"Will you let Kurt make the latkes?" the boy asked, like he was smiling, too.

"Why? Don't you like mine? Noah?"

After a long, silent pause, Noah replied, "Kurt says that I should refuse to answer, if I value my life, so I'm gonna go with that, Ma. No comment, or whatever."

Ruth laughed again. "I don't know what to do with you, baby boy. You don't like my house, you don't like my cooking, you run off to live with your fiancé, you don't even tell me you're gay…"

"Bi, Ma. Not gay," he insisted, which only made Ruth laugh again.

"Whatever you say, No-no. Whatever you say."

~~**~~

Glad to be starting a new day, Shannon Beiste arrived at her office next to the locker room, stowing her lunch in the mini fridge and hanging her jacket on its hook. Students would start arriving in half an hour, so she opened her lesson plan, reviewing the day's activities and her plans for the baseball team try-outs. Then she started to hear it – a sort of hurried panting. She thought it might be one of those freshmen with body-image issues, working out on the elliptical trainer, even though those machines weren't supposed to be used without supervision. Boys these days were almost as bad about body image as some of the girls had been when Shannon was in school.

"Who's here?" Beiste called out as she left her office. "Gavin, is that you? I told you to talk to Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell about this, boy!"

However, when Shannon got to the weight room, she didn't see Gavin Prescott. She saw Noah Puckerman, topless and struggling to button up his jeans and the Kurt kid from glee in a similar situation, briefs on but tight pants only covering one leg as he hopped around trying to get the other leg covered. Both boys were flushed, and Shannon could tell it wasn't just from embarrassment. This was the first time at McKinley that Beiste had walked in on something like this, but it had happened a couple of times at her previous schools. Hormones ran rampant and for some reason at least one couple got it into their heads that the locker room would be a good place for some privacy.

"Get dressed," she demanded, "and come see me at my desk. Both of you."

"Yes, ma'am," Puckerman replied, pulling his shirt on while trying to buckle his belt at the same time.

A few minutes later, Kurt and Puckerman approached her desk, sitting down when she pointed to the chairs opposite from her. "Alright, boys," she began, eyeing each of them in turn. Puckerman looked relaxed, like he couldn't give a rat what Shannon thought of him, while Kurt looked embarrassed, but not ashamed, his cheeks mottled brightly red. "There's a time and a place for everything. And my locker room is never the place, at any time, for that sort of behavior. Got me?"

Kurt nodded quickly, while Puck took a breath, leaned forward and said, "Not even if-"

Shannon interrupted the boy before he could share too much information, saying, "Not even if nothing. Never. Got it?"

"Whatever," Puck sighed, sitting back again, his arm around the back of Kurt's chair.

Shannon nodded and said, "Consider this a warning. If I catch you two at it again, that's grounds for a week's worth of detention. Alright?"

"Okay," Kurt answered for the both of them, subtly leaning toward Puckerman like he didn't even know he was doing it.

"Okay," Shannon echoed. "Now get outta here."

As the boys tripped over one another in their haste to escape and Kurt hissed, "I told you this was a bad idea! I can't believe we paid Brittany to babysit, just for this!" Shannon picked up her desk phone and dialed an extension.

When her friend picked up, Shannon said with a smile, "You owe me twenty bucks, Will. Twenty big ones."

~~**~~

Brittany S. Peirce loved babysitting, but none of her parents' friends or neighbors would hire her unless Santana came along. She knew it was because everyone thought she was too dumb to take care of a kid, but Brittany liked to believe it was because she was too nice and children needed someone to be mean to them so they would eat their vegetables and go to bed on time.

So, when Kurt called Brittany just before bed time and asked her to babysit the following morning before school, she jumped at the chance. But, she didn't actually jump, because then her sister would give her a funny look and tell their mom Brittany needed to go see Dr. Granger again. Brittany hated Dr. Granger. The lady asked her too many hard questions and told Brittany's mom to hold her back in school, even though George Washington said no child should be left behind.

Kurt's baby was easy to take care of, because it was mostly pretend. It wasn't as soft and squishy as a real baby, but it made fun noises and Brittany got to feed it pretend formula. After having done the same project in Sex Ed last year, Brittany knew how to hold the baby and how to sing to her and how to change her diaper. "I'd make a good mommy, wouldn't I, Molly?" she asked the doll, but the only answer Molly gave sounded like a hiccup. Brittany took it as a yes.

Brittany thought she would make a good mom, if her own mother would ever stop giving her those little pills every morning. Of course, Brittany took them without complaint, because she didn't want to end up as unpopular as Quinn. She didn't want to be a mom in high school and get laughed at. She wanted a partner to help her take care of the baby and do all the mean parts of raising a child. Santana was really good at doing the mean, but necessary, things.

"Where are you guys going?" Brittany asked as Kurt hurriedly pushed the doll into Brittany's arms. "Usually people hire babysitters at night."

"We'll explain in an hour," Puck replied, tugging Kurt by the hand toward the gym side of the school. Brittany didn't mind. She knew that look on Puck's face – the one that said he was going to get laid soon – and she thought good for them. Kurt especially. He'd been all wound up for so long, it was good that Puck was helping him unwind, since Kurt wouldn't let Brittany do it. Huh. That must make Puck little-g gay, like her and Santana. It was nice to feel a little less like a freak, even if Brittany was in glee club.

"The itsy-bitsy spider," Brittany sang to Molly, rocking her gently, "Went up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out! Out came the sun and everyone was glad… Wait. Is that how it goes?"

Molly wasn't very helpful at remembering the lyrics to the spider song, but it was probably because her brain was made out of plastic and wires.

~~**~~

Saturday mornings were Sarah Puckerman's favorite time of the week. Cartoons played all morning, her mom usually slept in, which put her in a better mood for the rest of the day, and if Noah was around, he would watch TV with her and let her snuggle in his arms. Noah hadn't been around for a week and a half, but Sarah's mom said that this Saturday was special because Noah was coming home and bringing his fiancé with him.

Sarah thought Noah having a fiancé was romantic, but if anyone asked, she would say it was gross. Come on. Noah was her brother (even if some days he felt more like a dad). She had to say everything he did was gross. It was like, the law or something.

The only other person Sarah remembered getting married was her cousin Ruben. He married a skinny blonde girl all Sarah's aunts called a shikse, and Sarah didn't think they meant it in a good way. The flowers in the temple made her nose itch and there was too much talking and then too much dancing, but the cake was really good and Noah picked her up on the dance floor and spun Sarah around until she was giggling so hard she thought all that cake might come back up.

The Saturday Noah's fiancé came over sucked. Sarah's mom made her help with the food, which meant she missed all of her shows, and then accidentally smashed Sarah's pinky in one of the kitchen drawers.

"Oh!" her mom cried. "I'm so sorry, baby! No, don't cry!"

Whenever she said that, Sarah got the irresistible urge to burst into tears. It was like backwards psychology, or whatever it was called. Oh well. The tears made Sarah's mom extra quick with some ice bundled in a dish towel and several kisses to Sarah's cheeks and hair.

"Shit!" she cried when the stove started smoking then, and Sarah giggled at her mother's swearing. Sometimes Sarah wasn't sure if Noah learned how to swear from their mom, or if their mom learned to swear from him, since she could remember him doing it first, and getting his mouth washed out with soap for it.

"Mama," Sarah laughed as she watched the woman try to salvage that batch of latkes, "I should wash your mouth out!"

"What?" she cried, with that annoyed tone in her voice. "Oh, sorry baby. I just want to make a good impression."

"What's her name?"

"Who's name, dear?" Sarah's mom asked, distracted by her recipe and opening the window above the sink to help the smoke out.

"Noah's fiancé," Sarah explained. "What's her name?"

Pressing new spoonfuls of latke mix into the pan of oil, Sarah's mom replied, "Oh. Kurt."

Sarah thought that was a funny name for a girl. "Wait," she said. "Isn't that Noah's baby-project partner? That boy with the pretty hair? His name is Kurt."

"Yeah. Same person," the woman replied, shrieking a little when some oil jumped out of the pan onto her hand, pushing the burned skin into her mouth for a moment before going back cootie food. "Maybe I should have let the boys make these. I suck at cooking."

"Mama!" Sarah gasped with a giggle. "You should wash your mouth out again!"

"Shut it," her mom replied with a grin, pointing her spatula at Sarah in a warning before turning back to her task.

When Sarah heard the front door open, she ran toward the front of the house, crying, "Noah!" and launching herself at her big brother when she saw him waiting for her. She was unprepared, though, for the tickling.

"No!" she screamed as harsh fingers tickled her sides. "Stop, No-no! Stop! Uncle!"

"That's the magic word," he replied, setting Sarah back on her feet and messing up her hair. "Booger, you remember Kurt, right?"

"Don't call me that!" Sarah complained, knowing it probably wouldn't do any good. Noah had been calling her that since before she could remember, which was a long time. "And I remember you, Kurt. You guys brought your doll along again. Can I watch her? I need ten more bucks."

"For what?" Noah asked suspiciously.

"None of your business, No-no," Sarah replied, crossing her arms over her chest and leading the way back into the kitchen. The big kids and Sarah's mom said their hellos and Kurt handed over a pastry that looked a thousand times better than the misshapen half-burned latkes that they were supposed to eat.

Brunch was boring, though the food was better than Sarah was expecting (her mom had let Kurt step in and fix things before they got too out of control).

Sarah was lamenting having to miss one of her favorite shows when she saw Noah and his fiancé kiss out of the corner of her eye. At least that Kurt boy made Noah happier than Sarah had ever seen him. It meant Noah was leaving sooner rather than later (even though he still had another year of school left!) but Sarah was turning nine in about a month. She was big enough to take care of herself, without her big brother in the house.

~~**~~

Emma Pillsbury, as the school guidance councilor, knew that it was her job to put together an intervention of sorts. No one knew what was going on between Kurt Hummel and Noah Puckerman, but their Sex Ed project had ended the day before and they were still attached at the hand more often than not. None of their friends had heard the whole story, and no one (Emma included) believed that they had gotten together because of a Sex Ed project. Emma was fairly certain Holly Holliday knew more than she was letting on, but whenever questioned, the infuriating woman would just shrug and wink, saying, "That's their business, sugerpie."

Emma thought through her speech very carefully, so that she could deliver it without too much nervousness. Public speaking had never been her thing, and as a guidance councilor, usually she only had to speak to one or two people at a time. As she was straightening her things in preparation for leaving her office in favor of the choir room, Sue stuck her head into the room. "I heard about your little confrontation, Annie, and I want in."

"Well, it's ... it's an intervention," Emma insisted, putting one last pencil away. "The goal of which is to impress upon Misters Hummel and Puckerman the value of telling the truth and being up front with those closest to you."

"I'll be there!" Sue grinned. "But not so much for the truth bit. I admit I was confused at first, which made me angry until I realized, they learned from the best. A good old lie to keep people on their toes, that's Sue-Syvlester style."

"Syl-vester, you mean."

"Changed my name," Sue replied, following Emma out the door. "At least until the laser tattoo removal starts working."

Emma didn't even want to know.

After talking to Will, they decided that the intervention had to happen during glee, when all of Kurt's and Puck's friends would be in attendance. Emma stood at the front of the room as the kids filed in, most of them nodding at her in acknowledgment. She had asked all of the students to prepare a sentence or two about how Kurt and Puck made them feel by pretending to be in a relationship.

When Will came up to her, he said, "I don't know about this, Emma. Shannon seems pretty convinced that what they have is real."

"Even if it is," Emma shrugged, "they should admit that their overnight change and subsequent strange behavior was upsetting to their friends and that they could have just told the truth."

Then the two boys in question showed up, hand-in-hand as had recently become usual, and it was clear they had no idea what was going on. Emma nodded to George and Simon, the two jazz band members who had agreed to man the doors for her, in case either boy tried to make a run for it before their friends were done speaking. Of course, there was no way a skinny boy like George could best Puck, but he might be able to slow him down just a little.

The thought of a fistfight – with all those open wounds and poorly washed hands – made Emma want to shudder, which was a reflex that she fought. People had immune systems for a reason, as Carl liked to say. Not every germ meant death. Most of them were helpful. Emma wasn't quite sure she believed him, but she was willing to give her husband the benefit of the doubt.

As soon as the bell started ringing, Rachel was on her feet, hand raised high in the air. "Yes, Rachel?" Will asked, taking charge of the class, which was great. Emma felt most comfortable in a supporting role, and always had.

Rachel stalked up to the front of the room, saying, "As team captain, I'd like to start off today's exercise by going first. Kurt? Puck? I feel very lucky to have you both as my very good friends, but something had to be said. This is a gay-vention. That's a gay-intervention. Puck – what the hell? I understand your need to mess with the students at this school, but I thought we were close. I'd like to think that if you were questioning your sexuality, you could talk to me about it, since I have two gay dads, which gives me incredible insight."

"Oh, dear," Emma sighed as she watched Puck's face close up. He had the same expression Emma had seen him wearing right before he dragged Jacob Ben Israel out of peer mediation and gave him a patriotic wedgie. Figgins had to suspend Puck for two weeks, and Emma had to explain to Mrs. Ben Israel how her son ended up suspended twenty feet in the air by his underpants.

"And Kurt!" Rachel continued, absolutely livid. "I told you all my secrets – all of them – from some need to foster good will and put our rivalry to rest, and all you can say about this whatever you have going with Puck is that a Sex Ed project was behind it? I thought we were better friends than that!"

Kurt opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but Puck put his hand on the other boy's chest, holding him back and making Kurt shut his mouth with just a look. Oh, that was not good. Emma knew that domestic violence situations started out with just such controlling behavior. And Puck did tend to be violent, suggesting he may have grown up in a household where physical force was used to get a point across more often than words were. Of course, some boys just had a bad reaction to puberty for a few years and grew out of it, so Emma had to keep that in mind as well.

When neither boy responded to Rachel's rant, she shrieked in frustration and stormed out of the room.

"Okay," Emma smiled, trying not to let things lag too much, as her interventions manual had instructed. "Who would like to speak next?"

Finn stood up and went to the door, opening it and dragging in a shorter, dark-haired boy that Emma thought she had seen around before, but she wasn't sure of his name. "Blaine and I have some things to say, especially to Kurt. I thought we were brothers, man, and Blaine's one of your best friends. Why can't you tell us the truth?"

"It's okay, Kurt," the boy – Blaine – added with an emphatic nod. "I think it's great that you're dating someone, I really do. And I love that we're such close friends, but I feel like we can't be close friends if you keep the truth about your relationship with Puck from me. Now, I'm not asking for details or anything, just the truth."

That's when the rest of the club started chanting, "Truth! Truth! Truth!"

"Now, now," Emma tried to say over the crowd. "That's not how we do these things!" Her words didn't seem to have much of an effect. The chant had taken hold, Will didn't seem to want to stop it, Kurt looked almost mortified, and Puck looked about ready to start cracking skulls. "Quiet down! Shush!"

"Screw you!" Puck cried, standing up and facing the glee club, despite Kurt's efforts to keep the boy in his seat. "That's our business! You are all a bunch of gossipy bitches!"

"Truth! Truth! Truth!"

Oh, no. This was not going to end well. Emma considered exactly how many germs might be swapped around if a fight broke out and it paralyzed her. She couldn't do anything but stare, wide-eyed, as Puck grabbed Finn by the shirt and pulled back his fist.

~~**~~

David Karofsky had taken to eavesdropping more often than not lately, since it seemed really important to make sure no one was talking about him – besides how he was on his way to ruling this school and how awesome his latest slushie take-down had gone. Then Puck and Kurt showed up to school engaged or whatever and Karofsky spent more time eavesdropping on the people that were speculating what might be going on there.

Which was how Dave found out about the gay-vention. God strike him down and kill him if his friends ever got it in their heads to throw something that embarrassing for him. Not that anyone knew. No one could know. Not here in Lima. Not anywhere in Ohio.

But it wasn't going away.

Thinking he'd better at least check out this gay-vention so he could laugh at Puckerman's stupidity, Karofsky stood out in the hallway next to one of the cracked-open choir room doors, listening in. And if anyone asked, he definitely hadn't done this before, listening to the stupid glee club sing and dance like assholes. Never, ever had he done that.

Okay, maybe once. Three times, tops.

That Rachel girl left in tears, which Dave wanted to see as funny, but since getting to know her a little bit better during their project, he couldn't . She was just a girl – a loud, obnoxious, bossy girl – but a girl. Dave wanted to be able to go and comfort her and then use that to his advantage to ask her out and bring her home and show her off, but he was sure that if Rachel would be the one to see through him. She wasn't dumb enough just to go along with it. Plus, Dave was pretty sure she hated him, so he'd have to tell her why he was such a douche to her and then she'd just insist on him coming out instead of sitting on this freaking secret like a land-mine ready to go off if he moved just an inch either way.

This sucked.

When the glee club started chanting, Dave laughed. Those freaks in glee club were so … shameless. They thought they could go around singing songs and demanding the truth from people? Yeah, right. Chuckling, Dave peeked into the room to see exactly how mortified Kurt was (damn, he was hot when he blushed) and how upset Puckerman looked by the whole thing. Puck was a douche, and he deserved whatever he was getting.

Except when Karofsky saw the room, Puck looked about a second away from beating the crap out of Kurt's stepbrother and Kurt looked so, so sad that Dave had to speak up. "Since Sectionals," Dave shouted as he stepped into the room, getting everyone's attention. Shit. Sweating a little under the pressure of so many eyes, Dave clarified himself by saying, "They've been together since your stupid-ass Sectionals competition or whatever."

"What!" Mercedes cried, grabbing Kurt and turning him around. "You and Puck have been together for five months, baby?"

"Sectionals?" That Dalton kid asked, looking a little betrayed, which made Dave wonder if Puck stole Kurt from the guy. Everyone knew only wusses stay friends with their exes, so … okay, yeah, maybe Puck had taken Kurt from Blake or whatever his name was.

Kurt pursed his lips angrily in Dave's direction as he stood up, gently directing Puck away from Finn. "Yes. Thank you, Karofsky, for ruining the surprise."

"What surprise?" Finn asked, smoothing down his shirt with one hand. "Wait, how does Karofsky know and we don't?"

"The 'Ha-ha, we got you but we really are together and sort of engaged' surprise party Kurt had all planned out for tomorrow, you impatient douche-bags!" Puck cried, putting his arm around Kurt's shoulders in a way that definitely did not make Dave jealous.

"Oh," Finn replied, looking abashed.

"Hold on a sec," Santana said, holding one finger up. "You two are engaged? Like, seriously?"

"Haven't you seen them lately?" Quinn asked her, pointing to the couple. "Puck's not that good of a liar."

"But he and Kurt both hid this from us for so long!" Artie argued, and Karofsky took that as his cue to leave. He hoped everyone would forget that he was the one who had known about Kurt and Puck ever since the fairy boy came back to McKinley, but what if they didn't? How would those two explain?

What if they told everyone Dave's secret? What if they broke their promise to keep it a secret, as long as Dave stopped harassing Puck's boy? Dave knew he could fight, but that Puck guy had been to prison. He wouldn't be able to back up his threats when they'd struck the deal. Puckerman could just tell everyone Dave was gay and he wouldn't be able to do much to stop it.

On his way out of the building, Dave almost ran into Rachel, who was stalking her way back toward the choir room like she was on a mission. "Hey, Berry," he called, stopping her in her tracks.

"What, Karofsky?" she demanded, turning around to look at him.

Dave leaned against the lockers behind him and said, "I'm sorry about our grade. I kinda sucked at being a dad."

"You kinda suck at being a human being," Rachel shot back, and Dave didn't know why, but the words made something hurt sharply in his chest.

"You don't know me, Rachel," he insisted, watching as the girl's face softened. "I know I've been rough on Kurt, but that was before I got some stuff figured out. I don't really think he needs a dwarf picking on him, too."

When Dave turned and left, Rachel had the funniest look of confusion on her wide-eyed face, so he laughed. So what if Puck and Kurt said some stuff? It wasn't like Dave was going to confirm it or whatever. Nah, he'd escape Ohio first, get new friends who weren't such assholes, and then finish figuring this whole thing out. He could sit on a land mine for another year, right?


	5. Chapter 5

" _You're such a douche_ ," Kurt texted with a slight smile.

" _Why?_ " his boyfriend texted back, smirking at Kurt from two tables down in the lunch room.

" _You laughed when Azimio took my hat!_ " Kurt complained, ignoring Mercedes' tap on his arm.

" _So? Got it back for ya, didn't I?_ "

Kurt nodded and replied, " _I almost outed you in revenge._ "

" _I almost outed myself because of that adorable look you gave me. Damn, I wanted to kiss you._ "

" _Next time, I dare you to do it,_ " Kurt replied with a laugh, dodging Mercedes when she tried to take his phone and figure out who he was texting. This thing he had with Puck had been getting serious for awhile now, especially since he was the secret reason Kurt had been able to return to McKinley, and more and more Kurt hated having to hide it. Hell, if Karofsky knew about the two of them (as he had since Puck had a 'chat' with him and got the linebacker to apologize to Kurt) who else was left to make problems? Azimio? The hockey guys? They could handle it, if Puck would ever get over himself and actually _do_ it.

~~**~~

"Come on back to my room, Puck," Kurt said, his heart beating in overtime and his arms tight around their animatronic daughter. "Unless you want a snack or something? A drink. I could-"

Looking over his shoulder to see Finn there, Puck replied, "Nah, man. Let's just get this over with."

"Okay," Kurt agreed, leading the way to his room and carefully setting the doll down on his desk while Puck closed the door behind them. Before Kurt could even turn around, the other boy's searing warm body was pressed against his back and insistent lips nibbled at one earlobe. "Geez, baby," Kurt gasped, bracing himself with both hands on the edge of the desk. "Not so fast!"

"But," Puck whined one arm across Kurt's chest, holding him tight, and the other running up and down Kurt's side in a way that was certainly meant to be convincing, "we haven't even made out in two days. What the crap? I'm dying here."

"You're not dying," Kurt gasped, turning around in Puck's arms and pulling his boyfriend in for a kiss, seeing stars as the familiar taste of Puck's tongue rocked through his body. "Though, I have to admit, it's been a little too long."

"Then why are you blocking me?" Puck asked, kissing Kurt again. "Wasn't the whole point of this to get us in the same room for more than five minutes?"

"The point of this," Kurt replied, pressing his lips to Puck's once more before pushing him away, "was to figure out our project."

"Seriously?" he cried, making a disappointed noise and collapsing down onto Kurt's bed. "Lame!"

Kurt smiled and joined his boyfriend on the bed, straddling Puck as he said, "Or …"

"Yeah, baby!"

"I've been working on an idea…" Kurt teased, pressing Puck's shoulders back to the bed and breathing him in. He could never get enough of Puck's scent, even though he never wore cologne and barely even knew what deodorant was.

"Does this idea involve you in skimpy underwear?" Puck asked with a grin – that stupid grin that Kurt could almost never resist.

"Mmm," Kurt hummed, pressing a soft kiss to Puck's neck. "If you go along with my idea, I might be able to make that happen."

Puck groaned a little and murmured, "So what's this big idea, gorgeous?"

"We take this project seriously. Very, very seriously," Kurt replied, placing another kiss on the other side of Puck's neck. "So seriously that people will think we've gone insane."

"What?" Puck asked, but he was grinding up against Kurt, so there was no way he was paying attention.

Stepping up and away, despite Puck's protests and his grasping arms, Kurt explained, "We become a couple overnight, in front of everyone, because of the 'baby'."

"Huh?"

Poor boy. There must not have been much blood left in his brain, so Kurt said this next part simply. "Each robot-baby has two parents. What if we decide our baby would be better off if its parents were attached at the hip?"

"I'd rather be attached at the groin," Puck muttered, propping himself up on his elbows and looking absolutely delicious as he watched Kurt pace a little.

"Noah, you've been dancing around the issue of coming out for months now. This would be a really fun way of doing it," Kurt argued. "Think about it, the baby gives us an excuse to be around each other at school if we start acting all lovey-dovey and practically married-"

"No one's going to know what the hell is going on!" Puck finished, his grin widening. "We can play it off like, why aren't you guys with the program and acting this way, too? It'll be chaos up in that place!"

"Oh," Kurt added, excited his boyfriend was warming up to the idea, "we can take this so extreme, like pretend we actually got married and everything, just for the sake of a plastic doll!"

"Kurt," Puck said, sitting up and taking both of Kurt's hands, eyes wide and almost sincere-looking, "will you fake marry me?"

"Hell yes, I will," Kurt grinned, leaning in for a kiss and shrieking when Puck pulled him off balance. "We can get cheap rings and everything!"

"We should go shopping tonight," Puck whispered in Kurt's ear, "right after sex, and then dinner."

"Oh, baby," Kurt replied, shivering when Puck's hands found their way up his shirt, "you know just what to say."

Just as clothes were about to start coming off and Kurt wondered whether or not Puck locked the door, their baby started crying.

"Damn it, kid," Puck cried. "I'm tryin' to get laid here."

With a sigh, Kurt righted himself and picked up the doll, rocking it back and forth like Miss Holiday had shown them. "We should name her."

"I say we call her Jenna," Puck suggested, standing and digging through his backpack until he came back and handed Kurt the bottle that went with the doll.

"We're not naming our fake child after your favorite porn star," Kurt insisted, rolling his eyes. "What about ... Katie?"

"Veto," Puck groaned, giving Kurt a thumbs down. "Lily?"

"Samantha?" Kurt countered.

"Shakira," Puck suggested with a dirty tone in his voice and a smirk.

Kurt rolled his eyes and said, "Molly."

"Yeah, alright," Puck replied, watching Kurt feed the doll its imaginary formula. "You ever want kids?"

Kurt furrowed his brow at the question, but he knew Puck was big on family, so he shouldn't have been all that surprised. "I don't know," Kurt replied honestly. "I would be really good at taking care of a baby, I think, but I don't know if that's a good reason to adopt a person."

"Yeah," Puck agreed, slipping around behind Kurt and resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "I think you'd make an awesome mom."

Kurt wanted to elbow his boyfriend for that remark, but couldn't figure out how to do it while he was feeding the doll. "Screw you, Puck. How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me a girl?"

"Sorry, man," Puck sighed in Kurt's ear, squeezing him around the middle. "That's not what I meant."

"I know," Kurt replied with a sigh, leaning back against his boyfriend.

"So, the kid's name is Molly Puckerman-Hummel, huh?"

"Why not Hummel-Puckerman?" Kurt asked. "It has a better rhythm."

"I'm gonna start signing all my school papers Noah Hummel-Puckerman," the boy laughed, "just to see what the teachers do."

"I guess that makes me Kurt Hummel-Puckerman," Kurt giggled, "but only after you put a ring on it, mister."

~~**~~

Puck didn't know why it was his job to haul the stupid baby carrier around the mall with them, but he was feeling pretty agreeable after getting his freak on with his boyfriend and just couldn't say no. He even let Kurt drag him into one of those girly earring and headband stores.

"Try this one on," Kurt insisted, pushing a plain silver ring with a price-tag still attached into Puck's chest.

Shrugging, Puck put down the doll and pushed the ring onto his left-hand ring finger. "It's alright," Puck told Kurt. "A little tight, but workable. How much is it?"

"Eight dollars," Kurt replied, trying on an identical ring. "It's just right on me. Let's go with these."

"You don't want something ... fancy?" Puck asked, wincing as he pulled the ring back off and it caught on his knuckle.

"Simple and classic goes with everything," Kurt explained, "or have I taught you nothing about fashion in the past five months?"

"Yeah, about that," Puck smirked as they headed for the register, "my mind just kinda goes off somewhere when you start talking fashion, babe. Sorry."

"That's alright," Kurt replied, setting both rings on the checkout counter and smiling at the shop girl. "I never listen when you start talking sports."

"If you knew the rules, watching the games would be more exciting," Puck insisted.

Kurt just shrugged and held out his hand for Puck's money. Ever since they'd gotten together at sectionals, they'd been going Dutch on everything, so Puck handed over a ten, which Kurt just nodded at in approval.

When they left the store, Kurt said, "I want to get fake married in the mall, Noah."

"Seriously?" Puck asked, hefting the baby carrier into his other hand. "Like between the Cinnabun and the Taco Bell?"

"No," Kurt scoffed, grabbing Puck's free hand, which made him want to scope around for anyone they knew. "Next to the fountain."

"Whatever," Puck agreed, smiling at the adorable little grin on Kurt's face. Puck was pretty sure he was whipped beyond all recognition at this point, since he couldn't seem to help himself from doing stupid things that made Kurt happy.

They walked through the mall hand-in-hand, which got a few looks, but Puck was pretty sure it was the baby carrier that was earning them the most open-mouthed stares. "What do you think, babe?" Puck asked when just after Kurt tore his gaze away from the Barney's display window. "Is Molly the kind of girl who loves this attention?"

After thinking for a moment, Kurt told him, "I don't know, yet. In any case, we're here."

They were indeed standing next to the fountain, where Kurt opened the tiny plastic bag with the rings they'd bought and fished both out. "Here," he said to Puck, thrusting one of the rings at him. "Get the price tag off and then you can give me that one and I'll give you this one."

This was starting to get a little too real in Puck's opinion, but he kept his mouth shut. He'd been getting a lot better at that lately. When Kurt looked ready, Puck grabbed the boy's hand and said, "I promise to be your fake husband, Kurt, and do couple-y things with you, and sex you up real good until the end of this stupid project. Oh, and I love you." Puck smirked and pushed the ring onto Kurt's finger with a slight sense of dread.

Kurt gave him one of those watery smiles that Puck didn't think he deserved (they were in a freaking mall!) and then said, "Noah, I promise to be your fake husband to the best of my ability and to love you and never to obey you or anything like that, until the end of this project. I mean, I'll still love you, but … yeah." When Kurt tried to put Puck's ring on his finger, it didn't really go until Puck took his hand back and wiggled the ring around until it was seated firmly. It felt weird, but not nearly as constricting as Puck feared it might.

"Wanna share a cupcake from that bakery across the parking lot?" Puck asked, figuring cupcakes were the perfect dessert to celebrate their not-a-marriage and that there was no way Kurt would eat a whole one.

"Yeah," Kurt replied with a wide grin, fingering his ring like he really loved the way it looked there. "Yeah, I would."

~~**~~

"Cream puff?" Kurt asked his 'husband' as they walked to class. "Really?"

"Jujube?" Puck countered, one eyebrow raised in Kurt's direction briefly as they walked down the hallway hand-in-hand. Everyone was staring, and Kurt could tell by his frown that Puck was really starting to get sick of the attention.

"How long do you think before we get called into Figgins' office?" Kurt wondered aloud, steering them to the far side of the hallway from a clump of hockey numbskulls.

"For what?"

Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's lack of foresight and said, "For 'disrupting the learning environment' with our gayness."

"Our awesomeness, you mean," Puck grinned, coming to a stop at Kurt's first classroom. They only had one class, glee, and lunch together, which didn't give them all that many opportunities to show off, but maybe that was for the best. Sharing a kiss with his boyfriend, Kurt sighed and the watched as Noah prowled away.

~~**~~

"They're so confused!" Kurt chuckled as Puck led him into the choir room for the rest of the lunch hour. "Today has been so much fun, Noah. Thank you for doing this."

"You," Puck replied, turning to face his boyfriend and because he just couldn't stop himself, brush the pad of one thumb along Kurt's cheek and kissing his neck, the way he knew the boy liked, "deserve to have a little fun after what we made you put up with, Kurt. At least it's not as traumatizing as I was expecting."

"For you, maybe," Kurt laughed, taking Puck's hand like always. "I'm pretty sure Lauren Zizes had a coronary when she saw us kissing in the hallway earlier."

"I don't think she's traumatized," Puck snorted, kissing the back of Kurt's hand before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, making Kurt giggle again. Puck wondered if the choir room was private enough for his boyfriend to agree to making out here. When Kurt reached over and pressed his lips to Puck's, he knew he was golden so he pulled Kurt closer and kissed him deeply, with tongue and everything. Damn. Kurt always tasted like Puck had been thirsty and hadn't even known it until that thirst was quenched by Kurt's tongue against his. Best making out ever.

~~**~~

Satisfied for now after making out with his boyfriend for the rest of lunch (until their doll started crying for attention and Puck started murmuring about blue balls and decapitating the damn thing), Kurt pulled Puck to Sex Ed class a few minutes early, smiling when he saw Ms. Holliday was already there.

"Why hello, boys," she smiled when she saw them come in, clicking her computer a few times before closing it. "What can I do you for?"

"For you, eighty-seven fifty," Puck said in that smartass tone that made Kurt want to smack him upside the head. "Oh wait, sorry Miss Holliday. I'm retired from cleaning pools."

Though she smiled at Puck, it was open-mouthed and a little confused. And yet understanding at the same time. The sheer volume of expressions Ms. Holliday was capable of made Kurt decide that he did have a tiny, never-ever would it be fulfilled because ew, crush on the woman. So, he explained, "Puck and I just wanted you to know that we're pranking the school and we'd welcome either your help or your discretion."

"I heard something was up with you two," the teacher grinned. "So, it's an act, then?"

"More of an embellishment, really," Kurt insisted, reaching for and taking his boyfriend's hand. "Noah and I have been dating for awhile now and-"

"I know," Miss Holliday assured them, much to Kurt's surprise. "I've known for a while, boys."

"You know?"

Noah spoke up, "You're bluffing, Miss H."

Ms. Holliday smirked and raised both eyebrows before turning to a stack of booklets. "Would you two be so kind as to pass these out, one to a seat, please?"

"About helping, though…?" Kurt broached carefully as he took the stack from Ms. Holliday. "We used your project as a jumping off point for this little production and …"

"I get it," Ms. Holliday nodded with a bright smile. "Don't you worry, Kurt. I thought you'd never ask."

~~**~~

Puck shifted the baby from one hand to the other so he could knock on the Hummels' front door. He'd been here a bunch of times before, sometimes to see Finn, but mostly to see Kurt when no one else really knew that he was there. Ever since the family moved into their new house, Puck had been working on perfecting his climb up to Kurt's window, and pulling it off stealthily, like a ninja.

If everything went according to plan, Puck wouldn't ever have to climb up to that window again. Even though he'd packed his bag and left his mom a message for where he'd be, Puck didn't have high hopes for this working out. For one thing, Burt freaked out over the littlest things, like Blaine crashing over that one time, even though Puck had been there until six in the morning, trying to sleep it off in between two gay dudes. And for another thing, Puck had never really stayed more than a night or two away from his mother's house - except for things like football camp or that legendary halo tournament at Artie's house. Most times if he was staying over with someone, he ended up going home before dawn and getting at least a few hours in his own bed, so his mom would see him there safe and sound and not freak out on him.

When Kurt opened the door he said, "I don't know about this, Noah."

"What?" Puck replied, all but dropping the baby carrier in his hand. "Dude, this was your idea!" He knew Kurt would get sick of him – everyone did eventually – but Puck figured that point was a year off at least.

Pursing his lips, Kurt grabbed Puck by the arm and pulled him into the house, bathing Puck in that familiar scent of fabric softener and baked goods that reminded him exclusively of the Hummel-Hudson house. He actually wouldn't mind getting to spend a lot more time here. He loved his family, but more often than not his house was empty, with his mom at one of her two jobs and his sister either with her babysitter or their Nana.

Once Kurt had blackmailed Finn into watching their kid (what was in that browser history that Kurt kept getting to hold it over Finn's head?) Puck followed his boyfriend into the kitchen to help him make dinner.

Not for the first time, Puck wondered what it would have been like if Quinn would have stayed and they would have kept Beth. His house might feel this awesomely lived-in, but he wouldn't have got with Kurt, a possibility that scared Puck more than he would ever admit.

"It's just," Kurt explained, holding Puck close when they ran into each other near the refrigerator, which was a good sign. "I guess I didn't realize how upset people would get. Blaine looked so hurt-"

"Fuck Blaine," Puck scoffed, wincing when Kurt hit him on the shoulder. Yeah, okay. That was a dumb thing to say. Kurt had made it very clear when they started seeing each other that making fun of each other's friends was off limits.

"Rachel looked hurt, too," Kurt insisted, jumping up to sit on the counter, "underneath the hilarious frustration. And I think Finn's about this close to having us both committed."

When Kurt finished, Puck noticed that the guy had said absolutely nothing about getting sick of him or not wanting him to move in. Score. "We'll tell them what's up," Puck assured his boyfriend, stepping up between Kurt's legs and kissing him on the nose, "but not until after this project is over. By then they'll totally see that we're the real deal and everyone will laugh. You'll see baby. It's gonna be awesome."

When Kurt gave him a disbelieving look, but didn't say anything, Puck smirked and went in for one of his patented toe-curling kisses.

~~**~~

"I can't believe he just agreed like that," Kurt cried, turning around to face Puck with the cutest confused expression on his face. "I guess you're moving in with me."

"Yeah, my mom won't care," Puck replied, loving the way Kurt wrapped both arms around his middle and squeezed comfortingly. "I'll tell her I'm staying at Finn's, which I suppose is the truth, and she'll be glad to be rid of me."

"That's not true," Kurt argued, petting Puck's hair in that way he really loved, even if it was difficult to admit. "Your mother loves you, sweetpea."

"Sweatpea?" Puck laughed, nuzzling the side of Kurt's head. "I thought those were just for show, smoochy-kins."

Kurt blushed and shrugged. "Sorry. It just sort of slipped out there."

"That's what he said," Puck replied with a straight face, letting himself chuckle when Kurt broke into laughter and then pushed him toward the kitchen door.

"I've got to finish cooking, Noah. Go make sure Finn hasn't killed our 'daughter' yet."

"Alright, bossy-boots," Puck grinned. "I'm on it!"

~~**~~

"This sucks," Kurt sighed, looking over at Noah with a little smile. "Thirty minutes to go and I doubt Ms. Sylvester will even show up to mark off that we did our detention."

"So let's ditch," Noah replied, moving his chair closer to Kurt's and leaning in to kiss his neck, which made Kurt shiver in sharp pleasure. "Since Mercedes is watching the kid, we could go get a little somethin'-somethin'."

"And get even more detention?" he protested, pushing Noah away, even though he really didn't want to. "I don't think so. There's always tonight after everyone else goes to sleep."

"Yeah?" Noah scoffed. "Not with your dad coming in to 'check on us' every few hours. I swear that man didn't sleep at all last night."

Kurt could feel himself go pale as he asked, "Seriously? How did I not know this?"

Puck shrugged. "You sleep like the dead, babe. I've known this since the first time I snuck into your room and tripped over that comforter-thing-"

"Duvet," Kurt supplied, knowing exactly what Puck was talking about. Most nights Carole kept the house warm enough that Kurt didn't need all the beddings he'd used in his old basement room, so his beloved duvet made its nighttime home on the hope chest under his window.

"Yeah," Noah agreed, scooting a little closer with a smirk and Kurt imagined he was thinking he could get his way just by looking cute enough. It was not working. "I got all tangled up and fell right on you. You didn't even stop snoring."

Gasping, Kurt demanded, "Take that back! I do not snore!"

"Yeah, ya do," his boyfriend laughed, giving Kurt a sort of half-hug that felt more like a playful headlock deferred into something more loving. "It's cool. It's actually quieter than most nights at my house, since I live so close to the Lima Mile motocross track. I'm used to it."

"God," Kurt laughed, rubbing a hand up and down Noah's back and just soaking in his warmth for a little while. "Wait. How many times have you come over and not woke me up?"

Kurt watched as Noah shrugged, going back to his homework for a moment when before he said quietly, "Maybe half the times I've snuck in."

Giving his boyfriend a suspicious look, Kurt asked, "Have we ever had sex while I was unconscious?"

"Nah, babe," Noah laughed, leaning back over and pressing a kiss to Kurt's temple before growling in his ear. "Not even you could sleep through the Noah Puckerman Experience."

Kurt stifled his loud bark of laughter with a hand over his mouth, trying not to blush at the mere mention of the "Noah Puckerman Experience." The Experience was Noah's penis, in case anyone was wondering.

"Wait," Kurt insisted. "If I sleep so soundly, how come I'm the one getting up when Molly cries during the night?"

"Because once I do fall asleep," Noah smiled, "I'm out. End of story. Just shake me when it's my turn, babe."

Kurt groaned in exasperation and failed to see how having to wake up his boyfriend would be any less disrupting than just taking care of it himself.

~~**~~

"Maybe," Kurt said while they were doing their homework one night, tapping his chin with the end of his pen, like Puck noticed he always did when he was thinking, "we could institute Date Night and pay someone to babysit. Keep the spark of our married life alive, as it were."

"Does Date Night include everything I think it does?" Puck asked, abandoning his math homework (because screw math) and grinning. "'Cause I thought this whole moving in together thing was going to improve the sex situation, not kill it completely."

"This is why we're waiting many, many years before we actually have kids," Kurt replied distractedly as he went back to his work.

Before even thinking about how awesome it was that Kurt figured they'd still be together in many, many years or thinking about how Kurt seemed to have changed his opinion about ever wanting kids in the first place, Puck blurted out, "Marry me?"

"Already did," Kurt replied without looking up, holding his left hand up so Puck could see the ring there - the cheapass ring that Puck would have to replace once he could afford it.

"Babe," Puck said softly, his heart pounding in his chest as he leaned over to tug on Kurt's chin so their eyes could meet. "I meant for real. Not in the mall this time."

Slowly, as if Puck's words were taking a moment to sink in, Kurt's jaw dropped. When he finally mustered up something to say, it was, "Are you sure it's not the blue balls talking?"

"It's not," he insisted, taking Kurt's hand and kissing him on the lips. Okay, maybe the blue balls were talking a little. Puck was having a really difficult time keeping his kiss PG-rated.

"Well," Kurt breathed, his eyebrows knotted up in confusion or worry once Puck pulled back, "can I think about it?"

Puck's heart fell. Kurt had to think about it? "Yeah, whatever. It was a stupid idea, anyway."

"We're only seventeen, Noah."

When the doll started crying, Puck sighed, "Yeah," and went to go take care of their project. Kurt probably thought he would get sick of Puck a few years down the road, and that's why he didn't want to make a commitment or whatever. Puck couldn't blame him. Even if Quinn had offered to marry him at the height of babygate, he doubted he would have agreed. Kurt, though. Kurt had a way of making Puck want to hold on forever.

When Molly quieted down after Puck went through the right steps, in order, and the room grew too heavy and too quiet, he said, "I could pay my sister to watch her on Saturday. She's not old enough to babysit for real, but she could handle this, no sweat."

"Trial run Saturday morning so I can go with you to meet Mike?" Kurt suggested.

"Why?" Puck asked. "We're just gonna play pick up and maybe rehearse a little."

Kurt looked up at Puck for a moment before shrugging and saying, "It's nice not having to hide from our friends anymore. And I kinda miss you when you're not around."

It wasn't an acceptance of his stupid marriage proposal, but the sentiment made Puck smile. Kurt did love him, which was something anyway. "Yeah, alright," Puck agreed. "Though prepare to get your ass kicked at basketball."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and laughed, going back to his homework as Puck finished feeding the doll and rocking it back to sleep.

~~**~~

Date Night consisted of sending Finn to Rachel's, buying tickets for Burt and Carole to see some show down in Dayton (Puck didn't exactly ask what), and dropping off the baby doll with Puck's mom and sister. When he got back to the house, Kurt had a candlelit dinner on the table and a grin on his face.

"Sweet," Puck nodded in approval at three of his five favorite foods on prominent display. "What's with the smile?

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" Puck asked, raising a questioning eyebrow as he walked toward Kurt.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

Puck laughed in surprise and when it looked like Kurt was serious, his heart thudded up in his throat and he surged forward to grab Kurt into the tightest hug possible.

"Can't … breathe…"

"Oh, sorry, baby," Puck laughed as he loosened his hold. Finally, finally someone had decided Puck was worth keeping around for the long haul. "This is awesome!"

"I do, however, have a few stipulations," Kurt mentioned, a tiny smirk in the corner of his mouth as he sat down at the table, pulling Puck into the chair beside him.

"Of course," Puck scoffed with an amused smile. It wasn't Kurt if there weren't extra rules to go along with anything.

"First, this marriage thing doesn't happen until we both graduate college."

"What?" Puck cried, suddenly feeling like he was being held hostage. "I agreed to go with you, dude, but how the hell am I supposed to graduate freaking college?"

"Noah," Kurt said in his 'calm' voice, which Puck always found a little patronizing or patentizing or whatever, "I know you can do it. I think you'd really love the music composition programs at some of the schools I've been looking at."

"But, what if I can't finish?" Puck asked. He knew he wasn't the brightest guy. Kurt was loads smarter than him for sure. "What if I flunk out? You seriously won't marry me?"

Puck's boyfriend gave him a coy sort of smile and said, "Well, I might be willing to negotiate, depending on your eventual career of choice."

Sighing in relief, Puck shook his head with a little laugh and chided, "Don't scare me like that, bug."

"You haven't heard my other stipulations," Kurt warned, and Puck felt his heart sink.

"I knew you didn't really want to marry me. What the hell, Kurt?"

Surprise flashing across his face, Kurt stepped forward and grabbed both sides of Noah's face so he would have to look in his boyfriend's deep blue eyes. "Baby, I was just going to say we have to get a chocolate fountain and release doves. That's it. I promise, I'm going to marry you when you ask me again in a few years. Okay?"

Puck nodded, "Okay," and kissed his almost-fiancée. Shit, this probably meant he would have to get Kurt one of those promise rings, didn't it? If he knew his boy (and he did) Kurt wouldn't wear that cheap piece of metal on his hand right now for much longer. And hey, if it marked Kurt as his, Noah was willing to spend a little cash.

~~**~~

"C'mon, Kurt," Puck complained, laying down on the bed beside Kurt and running his hands down the boy's side, kissing the crook of his neck. "We've been sleeping in the same bed for two weeks and have had sex once. Once! On date night! I needs me some lovin'."

"But, what if the doll starts crying? Someone's gonna come looking for us if we just let it go. We'll fail the assignment and we won't get into the same college and our whole lives will be ruined!" Puck's boyfriend replied, the intensity of his response making Puck laugh a little.

"Settle down, babe," Puck insisted, groping Kurt's butt with light squeezes. "I just did everything Miss Holliday told us to do. She'll be cool for another hour, at least."

"What if my dad comes up and finds my door locked. What if Finn gets home early?"

"We going back to fooling around in locker rooms and cars now?" Puck asked with a huff. "Not cool, cream puff."

"Ugh," Kurt stuck out his tongue. "Don't call me that. Snuggie."

Puck groaned, which got Kurt giggling and made Puck even more aware of what he couldn't have at the moment. If only they had a babysitter for a little while, they could go back to doing it in some of their other places, since apparently Kurt's room was off limits now that Burt knew he was there. Sarah was out, since she had extra tutoring in the mornings, so Puck called the only other person he could think of.

"Hey, Brittany," he said, giving Kurt an encouraging look. "Wanna make ten bucks tomorrow morning?"

~~**~~

"Okay," Kurt sighed, trying to rub the blush out of his cheeks and probably only making it worse. "That was the worst idea we've ever had."

Noah scoffed in agreement. "We gotta do something babe. I've got needs."

"And I don't?" Kurt sighed, taking Noah's hand and squeezing it comfortingly. "We'll figure out something. Just not at school." As he opened his locker and rummaged around in it, Kurt caught the sight of the ring on his finger, smiling at the thought of actually being married to Noah. Kids were so effing far off, though. He and Noah needed their alone time. When they were older and Puck started to get wrinkles, that's when they would adopt, because by then Kurt would have done everything on his life-dreams list and be making great money as a Broadway star.

Not for the first time, he wondered if he and Puck wouldn't just drift apart at some point, and prayed to the universe that it would never happen. Now that he had a boyfriend, Kurt was fairly certain he hated being without the dumb brute.

~~**~~

"I know how this is going to end," Kurt said when Puck came into the room after having showered, setting his colored pencil down on his sketchbook.

"What's going to end?" Puck asked, taking the towel from around his waist (just to torture Kurt, he was sure) and using it to dry his hair.

"Tomorrow's the day we give 'Molly' back," he said, wondering how much time they had now that Finn had left before anyone else got home. Probably less than twenty minutes. Screw it. He stood up and wrapped his arms around his very naked boyfriend. "Everyone's going to expect us to 'break up' or something."

"Think your dad's gonna make me go home?" Puck asked, dropping his towel on the floor and backing Kurt toward the bed.

Kurt shrugged (graciously ignoring the damp towel on his hardwood flooring, thank you very much) and went on with his plan, "I want to throw a pre-engagement party. We can tell everyone at once about our prank and celebrate the fact that you're stuck with me now, Pucky-bear."

Puck laughed and pushed Kurt back onto the bed. "If we do this, can we stop with the cutesy names? They kinda make me wanna puke, babe."

"Yeah," Kurt laughed, shivering when Puck attacked the buttons of his jeans. "But it's gonna take me a few days to plan the party, so maybe Saturday night?"

"Whatever you want, baby," Puck breathed, leaning in to kiss Kurt's neck in that way that might have played a big part in Kurt agreeing to marry the guy. Alright, along with a million other reasons, if he was honest.


End file.
